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08/26/2004 Entry: "Mars naar Aarde"

Ik zit nog steeds op een andere planeet, maar er moeten ook gewoon dingen gebeuren. Het ziet er hier in mijn eigen huis uit alsof er een bom is ontploft. Een week logeren laat ook sporen na. Tassen moeten uitgepakt en wassen gedraaid. Als je niet beter wist zou je denken dat we net terugkomen van vakantie. Ik moet m'n werkgever bellen wanneer ik denk dat ik weer kom. Maar ik weet helemaal niet wanneer ik denk dat ik weer kom. Ik kan nog niet zo goed denken.

Over het algemeen hangt er een dikke deken over me heen maar soms moet ik ook grinniken. Om Kind-II die naar zijn opa in de kist keek en zei: Bedankt voor de mooie momenten.
Nou kan ik best plechtig doen maar dit soort teksten hoor je bij ons nooit. Later bedachten we met z'n allen dat hij z'n oortjes wijd open heeft gehad toen de uitvaartmeneer ons allerlei voorbeeldteksten liet lezen voor op de rouwkaart. Dus hij heeft vast gehoord dat we gezamelijk riepen: Bedankt voor de mooie momenten? Dat nooit! Gelukkig zei Kind-II ook nog gewoon: Doei opa!
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Ze hebben het goed gedaan, die kinderen van mij. Ik ben trots op hun moed en onverzettelijkheid. Maar ze zijn ook aandoenlijk en het doet zeer hun pijn te zien. Als Kind-I vraagt of hij dit gaat vergeten en ik zeg dat hij dat niet gaat doen. Maar of het dan in ieder geval minder pijn gaat doen. En ik de vergelijking met een flinke schaafwond maak, maar dan iets langer. Of als Kind-II niet kan huilen en graag wil huilen. Net als z'n moeder een beetje op slot.

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