Weblog Entry - 07/13/2002: "OWEN SCHUMACHER"

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07/13/2002 Entry: "OWEN SCHUMACHER"

Iedere keer als ik naar de teevee kijk en er komt een item over ons nieuwe kabinet, ben ik heel even in de war. Het is niet echt, denk ik dan. Oja, het is wel echt, denk ik er snel achteraan. Ik heb mijn stembiljet ten gunste van anderen gebruikt maar deze mensen bestaan echt. Waar mijn leven op 15 mei "begon bij 40" dementeert de politiek vanaf die dag terug naar de peuter-puberteit.
Afgezien van mijn algehele pessimisme over dat –IETS- wat ons nieuwe kabinet moet voorstellen en al het dodelijk vermoeiende gedoe eromheen, komt dat sprongetje in mijn hoofd vooral door Owen. Owen heeft het voorgoed voor mij verpest.
Ik kan niet meer normaal naar het nieuws of aktualiteitenrubriek kijken. Ik kan niet meer rustig een mening over een besluit vormen, ergens voor of tegen zijn, ergens boos of opgelucht van worden. Ik zie alleen maar die kop van Owen. Als meneer Balkenende iets te melden heeft over verdeling van ministersposten of een ander, wel degelijk belangrijk onderwerp, verwacht ik een teveel aan speeksel op zijn onderlip, een rare spiertrekking in zijn gezicht of een veeg aan zijn pony-haartjes. Dat ik nooit meer, anders dan glimlachend, naar nobody-fucks-wis-Frank de Grave kan kijken, daar was ik al aan gewend. Frank de Grave drinkt g’oon ranja met ‘n rietje en zit op een te laag krukje tussen Sanne Netelenbos en Willebrord Groot. Punt. Dat hij verder de verdediging van ons land moest regelen is bijzaak.
Maar nu kijk ik naar onze Minister-President en verwacht dat hij opgewekt over zijn nieuwe kabeltrui gaat babbelen of over het gemak van een trekhaak aan de auto. En dat hij dit weekend gaat barbequen met de buren. Ik kan gewoonweg niet geloven dat er iets van nationaal belang uit dat baby-hoofd komt. Nou is dat op zich niet zo raar. Zonder Owen zag ik het ook al zwaar in. Maar met Owen wordt het echt totaal ondoenlijk. Ik kijk naar het 8 uur journaal als naar een recente aflevering van Kopspijkers. Dat Raoul over die wegfietsende meneer Donner direkt een spitsvondige grap maakt. En dat Jan-Peter straks expres-per ongeluk-haha tegen de deurpost op gaat lopen.

Owen! Hoor je me? Dit kan niet hoor! Jij kan niet in je eentje de hele geloofwaardigheid van onze Grote Voorman teniet zitten doen! Hoe moet ik nou een beetje behoorlijk op de hoogte blijven van wat Die Man ons allemaal gaat voorschotelen? Hoe moet ik nou vertrouwen krijgen in dat hoofd als ik JOU daar steeds zie praten met de NOS? Kun je misschien ophouden met dat vrolijke gedoe Owen?! Er is helemaal niks om zo lollig over te wezen. Die man is het laatste restje uit de kan en hij heeft hele nare collega’s. En ik wil helemaal niet lachen om het 8 uur journaal. Ik wil jou daar niet meer zien! Ik wil met angst en beven wachten op alle rare verzinsels van dat poppentheater in Den Haag. Dus hou alsjeblieft op met die pracht-imitaties. Je bent er Te Goed in. Ga je gewoon weer op het podium van Toomler staan? Please?
Dan beloof ik dat ik heel hard om je zal lachen en voor je zal klappen. En dat ik de Nederlandse politiek weer serieus zal nemen. Eenmaal met de poten op de grond en terug uit Jack’s Heaven zal ik trouwens een avond in Toomler hard nodig hebben om een beetje bij te grinniken. Denk ik. Schat ik zo in.

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